Why korea will never have a sexual revolution

(As promised.)


First off, the title’s probably a bit misleading. I mean, they could have one someday, but it’s very, very unlikely without massive amounts of social change. Besides, “The reason Korea is very, very unlikely to have a sexual revolution without massive amounts of social change” isn’t nearly as catchy a title.

^.^

So yeah, it could happen, but here’s why I don’t think it will.

1. Koreans just don’t “get” sex.

Sure, they’ve got prostitutes, red light districts and coffee girls, but that’s not that good of a start. There’s no “sexual culture” here. It’s not that it’s not in your face all the time, like in the West. It’s just not here at all. Sure, there may be hot looking chicks on TV, or pop stars that everybody thinks is beautiful – but where are the sluts?

If there aren’t a few chicks out tramping around showing the world they love sex and are out to get it, other chicks won’t pick up on the idea that sex might just be a good thing. Yeah, I’m sure there are some here and there, but they’re not too common. You can’t have a sexual revolution if people aren’t willing to have recreational sex. Not only that, they’ve got to stop hiding it when they do.

I’m totally blaming the parents for this one. The idea that a parent can “lose face” over the actions of their children is not only outdated – it’s useless. So what if you find out your daughter gave it up before marriage? Is the guy she’s banging nice to her? Is she happy? If you can answer “yes” to the last two questions, then shut up. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.Which brings me to point #2.

2. What’s in it for the women?

Answer? Not a damned thing. The sexual identity of Korea is 100% male. What “open” sexual stuff there is (prostitutes, coffee girls, phone sex) is just for guys. Yes, I know that stuff is usually only targeted at men in the West, but there’s nothing for women here.

They’re supposed to be virgins until marriage, then they bang their husbands until the kids come along. After that, they’re no longer women. They’re “mommies.” And once a woman has “attained” that rank, she supposed to be concerned for the kids and understand that her husband’s out banging hookers and going to hostess bars.”That’s not too bad,” some of you might be thinking. “That’s why vibrators were invented.”

A reasonable assumption, if you were talking about almost any other country. Oh, sex toys do exist in Korea, but from what I can tell they’re technically illegal, and therefore can’t be marketed or sold by any normal means. No sex shops (real or online) or Xandria collection catalogs here. No, sex toys are marketed pretty much the same way as any other illicit service or item.

Real-world spam:

This is the front of a flyer I found. Where did I find it? Well, coming home late from work one night, I saw these two dudes walking down my street. They each had a handful of flyers and were sticking them under the windshield wipers of every car on both sides of the street. I was curious, since they were walking at a pretty good clip and just slapping them under the wipers as if they wanted to be out of there in a hurry.

I grabbed one and could see why they did.

The front’s pretty tame. A quick translation tells me:

“Adult article complete freebie
Premature ejaculation, initiation label
Male agony goods and
About various adult video, CD and single male – self-consolation maneuver”

Yeah, a few mistakes from the software, but you get the idea. Adult goods and a special offer. At first I thought the two items on the front were “hideaway” vibrators. Instead they’re “premature ejaculation protection spray” (on the left) and some sort of perfume. I’m guessing the perfume’s of the “super-pheromone, drives women wild!” variety.

People, this is not how you advertise your products.

You’d be better off with email spam (god knows enough of that originates from Korea already). It’s cheaper and you can have better quality pics. Hell, get a damned website set up to pimp your sex toys. How much business can you really hope to drum up by randomly sticking flyers on people’s cars? You’ve got to pay to print the things up and pay the dudes to go out and “deliver” them, so you’re racking up expenses with limited chances of a return on the money you’re spending. Odds are whoever’s doing this has hella fast internet at home and could slap together a decent website with better pics and more info that you can stick on a flyer. It’ll certainly make your products look better.Speaking of products, what was on the backside?

Wow, could you make sex toys look any less attractive? (Maybe so, but damn people, sex is supposed to be sexy! Or at the very least, appealing.)

I suspect you can figure out which toys are meant for which gender. I just love how the copy translates as “self consolation” when referring to the toys. Oh, and the ones for men are targeted at single men, yet there’s no such designation for the women’s toys. I really don’t get the names for the last two toys on the bottom row though. They’re almost the same, with the one on the left being the vibrating model. They both have “misshi ajumma” in the name, which kind of translates as “pretty auntie.”

What the fuck?!?

If I’m going to be working my crank into some piece of silicone (not that I’ve ever done such a thing, mind you) do I really want an “auntie” to be the kind of woman I’m thinking of? Why not “agasshi?” That means a younger (but still legal) chick. Here’s a closer look at the last one:

The pic’s not that good, but neither was the quality of the original printing. Still. the chick in that pic is not an ajumma! I think ajumma and the cranky old broad on the subway comes to mind. (And I assure you, nobody’s looked at her as a sex object in a hell of a long time.) There’s nothing sexy about an ajumma, but if she’s the sex symbol of Korea, that’s the perfect lead-in to point #3.

3. Korea isn’t sexy.

Sorry, but it’s just not. There’s nothing exotic about it, unlike other Asian countries. Thailand is renowned for being a sexual wonderland. Japan’s known for hot chicks. I’ll bet most any other east Asian country can out-do Korea in the “sexy” department. Korea just ain’t got it.

Not that there aren’t attractive people here. There are. But do you want to get up close and personal with somebody with a bad case of kimchi mouth? I sure don’t! And that’s assuming you get that far. With the whole “what would my parents think?” thing, it’s unlikely (but not impossible) that you may get to find out what her breath is like.

So is there any hope?

Sure, there’s always hope. But I wouldn’t hold out any for Korea. They’ve got too many things to overcome. Women are second-class citizens, good only for cranking out babies and making dinner. Sex is shameful, sex toys even moreso. They’ve got no clue as to how to market sex and sexual services.

And I’m not even saying they have to change, just that it’d be a shame if they didn’t. As I said in another entry, Korea has the technological infrastructure to have one hell of a sexual revolution. Imagine if the 60’s in the United States (and elsewhere) had had access to the technology we have today. Wouldn’t that have been something?

It sure would have been. And it could be for Korea. There’s just the small matter of removing their heads from the national ass.

(Actually, they’re probably not into that sort of stuff either….)