Coming soon to a Special Edition near you.
So Episode 3 of Star Wars is out now and the question on everybody’s mind it:
Will it suck?
Thankfully, it doesn’t. I’ve only seen the low-res workprint that’s on every torrent site known to man, but it’s still a good representation of the final product. Sure, I’m missing out on the surround sound aspect of it, and my big screen’s not really on par with a movie theater, but it’ll do for now. And really, it’ll have to.
Since the movie doesn’t open in Japan until July-fucking-9th.
I don’t want to spoil it for anybody who hasn’t seen it yet, so I’ll just post 20 random thoughts on it, and the series in general.
1. It’s the best of the prequels.
2. It’s the third-best movie of all six, with Empire being first and Star Wars second.
3. If you watch all three prequels together the first two aren’t so bad.
4. Lucas still can’t write dialogue for shit.
5. His directing’s not that hot either.
6. What was the point of Anakin being C-3PO’s builder since nothing ever came of it?
7. General Grievous was a stupid character, and even with the Clone Wars cartoons taken into account there’s no explanation for who he is or what the point of his character is. Oh, and his name is even dumber than “Darth Tyrannus.”
8. Samuel L. Jackson’s talent was wasted in the prequels.
9. Episode 1 is relevant to Episode 2.
10. Episode 2 is relevant to Episode 3.
11. Episode 1 has no relevance to Episode 3.
12. What the hell was all that bullshit about “midichlorians” and virgin birth in Episode 1 for?
13. Wedgte Antilles makes a brief appearance at the end of Episode 3, and is referred to as Captain Antilles. At the beginning of Episode 4 – about 20 years later – he still holds the rank of Captain. Not much career advancement in the rebellion, is there?
14. The references to the original trilogy were nice, and Episode 3 was pretty thick with them.
15. Darth Maul was the best villain in the prequels and should not have been killed off as quickly as he was.
16. That said, Anakin had a nice moment of evil in Episode 3.
17. Ewan McGregor was the best talent in the prequels and his progression into a young Alec Guinness was very well done.
18. Was there no money in the budget for swordfighting lessons for anyone besides Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen. Sam Jackson looked like a clown with his lightsaber.
19. Would it have killed Lucas to go back and watch his own movies before trying to write the prequels? It’s almost as though he goes out of his way to contradict his previous films. Don’t believe me? Watch all the prequels, then watch Star Wars. You’ll need both hands (and then some) to count the continuity errors.And finally…
20. Why the hell can R2-D2 fly? What CGI-masturbation fantasy crap is that?!?
I’m sure that’ll be the next bit edited into the next “special” edition of the original trilogy.